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Wat gaat het toch knettersnel!

Van de week had ik het over doorademen. Ademen dat gaat, als het goed is, vanzelf. Net zoals knipperen met je ogen. Hebben jullie ook het gevoel dat het pas gisteren was toen je kinderen geboren werden? Zeven en drie zijn die van mij nu. Een dochter en een zoon. Ik kan het mij nog wel goed herinneren dat ze geboren werden. Gisteren zaten ze bij mij achterin de auto. We waren op weg naar een binnenspeeltuin, want buiten waaiden we een beetje weg. Toen we voor het stoplicht stonden te wachten, keek ik in de achteruitkijkspiegel naar mijn dochter. Die heel zorgeloos (en niet pedagogisch) een filmpje aan het kijken was. En toen dacht ik; wat gaat het toch snel. Ik heb het gevoel dat ik één keer met m’n ogen geknipperd heb en dat ze nu alweer in groep 4 zit. Ze kan lezen, rekenen en naar het Engels overschakelen als ze het niet mag horen, heeft ook geen nut meer. Ook weet ze dat kindertjes niet met de ooievaar gebracht worden en is ze op de hoogte van het grote 5 december geheim. Niks kleins meer aan. We hebben een knappe jongedame als dochter! Die als ze 16 jaar is nooit naar de discotheek zal gaan, want die toezegging hebben wij op film staan :). Die een paar jaar geleden mijn hand nog stevig vast hield als ze bang of verlegen was en nu vrolijk wegrent en zegt: ‘doei mam, je hoeft niet te wachten hoor’. Het gaat vanzelf, rustig, zonder dat je het doorhebt, ze groeien op. Ze hebben je steeds minder nodig, dat begint al met een jaar of 2: ‘Zelluf doen’. En dat is goed, zo hoort het ook! Maar heel soms mag het wel wat minder hard gaan! Het gedicht wat hieronder staat (van een onbekende auteur), vind ik dan ook heel treffend! Wat vinden jullie?

The Last Time

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms, you will never be the same.
You might long for the person you were before,
when you had freedom and time and nothing in particular to worry about.
You will know tiredness like you never knew it before
and days will run into days that are exactly the same:
Full of feedings and burping, nappy changes and crying,
whining and fighting, naps or lack of naps
It might seem like a never-ending cycle. 

But don’t forget…
There is a last time for everything.
They will fall asleep on you after a long day, and it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.
One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down and never pick them up that way again.
You will scrub their hair in the bath at night and from that day on they will want to bathe alone.
They will hold your hand to cross the road then never reach for it again.
They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles
and it will be the last night you ever wake to this.
One afternoon you will sing “The Wheels on the Bus” and do all the actions then never sing them that song again.
They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate then the next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face.
They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time. 

The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time
until there are no more times… and even then, it will take you a while to realize. 

So while you are living in these times, remember there are only so many of them and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.
For one last time.

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